A VS usually exhibits one or more of the following warning signs. These are guidelines, not definitive descriptors. Nonetheless, a teacher who exhibits more than one of these signs should be viewed with healthy skepticism -- and approached with caution.

I Am The Greatest!

Only rarely could a VS be described as falsely modest. No, a VS has a healthy ego, and he's not shy about telling you just how talented he is. Often, the VS will post self-important and self-aggrandizing material under the guise of starting topics. Invariably, the topic is merely a pretext for telling the world how great the VS is.

A good VS also (almost) always manages to turn any discussion to one revolving around his or her specific school or abilities, regardless of the subject.

What role does weight training play in your martial arts development? Here are several dozen photos of me lifting weights. Note how heavy those weights are. I've taken the liberty of labeling each photo with the exact number of pounds I am lifting, as well as how many reps I normally do. So, are the rest of you flabby-armed weaklings, or what?

This Is The Ultimate!

You're quite fortunate to have made the online acquaintance of the VS, and even more fortunate if you've forked over the cash for his videotapes. (No good VS is without at least a couple of instructional videotapes to sell. Many build their entire instructor curriculum on video courses only.) The reason you're fortunate is that the VS teaches the Ultimate Fighting System. It's so cool it's hot. It's so fast you'll practically learn it before you walk in the door of the dojo or seminar hall. It's so effective that you'll reduce seasoned UFC brawlers to sobbing children, and turn the average street tough into a greasy stain on the asphalt. The VS in question scores bonus points if his art involves the revealing of previously unrevealed secret knowledge, especially if that secret knowledge is ancient in origin. (The older, the better.)

This art is so effective you won't believe it! Ancient fighting techniques of the Kings of Atlantis finally made available to the public! In only an hour you will be able to beat martial artists with years of experience! Every sentence of our ad copy ended with an exclamation point, guaranteed!

Name Dropping

The VS is a shameless dropper of names. He is proud of the association he has had with the big names in the self-defense industry, and he'll tell you all about them no matter how brief that contact might have been. If he's ever trained under someone whose name he thinks you'll recognize, he'll be sure to tell you all about the lineage of his instruction. Curiously, a VS often will try to distance herself from these famous individuals while invoking their names to enhance her dubious credibility. This is primarily because the big names in question don't remember, or don't wish to be associated with, the VS in question.

Well, as Hatsumi Sensei said to me when I trained under him, I have the spirit of a hundred raging elephants coursing through my veins. He was right, of course... I've since expanded the training I offer beyond what my noble and honorable teacher offered, however, so don't expect any similarity between what he does and what I do.

So What School Are You With?

The VS is usually a bully, and a bully cannot stand criticism. When pressed about his ridiculous claims or ham-handed behavior, the VS will demand to know at what school the critic trains or teaches. He will ask where the critic is located, so that he might seek out that individual to resolve the matter. The implied threat, of course, is that anyone who dares criticize the VS ought to be prepared for a good thrashing. It never seems to occur to the average VS that one need not be of superior martial talent to question what the VS claims or how he approaches his participation in a discussion. The VS sees violence as the way to resolve any and all disagreements, just as any bully does.

A more subtle VS tactic is to politely invite the critic for a "free lesson" at the VS's school. The implied threat is the same.

Oh? What school are you with? Where do you teach or train? Why don't you post your location so we can seek you out? What are you afraid of? ...If you think I'm not skilled, why don't you stop by my dojo? I'll be happy to give you some free, hands-on instruction.

Inappropriate Anger and Vulgarity

Legitimate teachers rarely resort to profanity, and the average school instructor will not lose his temper answering criticism from anonymous Internet denizens. Any man or woman secure in his or her art will shrug off baseless accusations. These men and women may also invite the critics to train with them, but their approach is much less hostile than that of the average VS.

The VS, by contrast, can't stand to be questioned. Bullies are quick to anger, and martial arts frauds are insecure and easily threatened. When they find themselves cornered they will start swearing and making vulgar threats, often sending e-mail or private messages to their detractors. These messages would make a sailor blush, and often include explicit or implicit threats of bodily harm.

Because the VS likes to maintain the illusion of enlightened wisdom in the Arts, he or she often will behave politely in public, perhaps acting as if any criticism is beneath his or her notice. (A popular retort is that "the best around" always take unfair abuse for daring to be "the best around," misunderstood as they are by their inferior fellow students and teachers.)

Oh yeah? F--- you!

Sycophantic Student Support

The VS is a teacher, after all, and as such he or she has students. These students don't like cognitive dissonance any more than anyone else does, so they close ranks when their instructor feels threatened. Usually those who post in support of the VS have an extremely low post count, having only recently registered. The supporters may pretend that they do not know the VS personally. They certainly do not like to admit to being students of the criticized individual, as this (understandably) harms their credibility.

I live in the same area and I train in the same art, but I don't know [VS in question]. His [or her] posts make sense to me, though. The rest of you don't know what you're talking about.

Big Trouble

There is a very dangerous aspect to the Virtual Sensei phenomenon, and that is that some really do abuse their students. There is no cute quote that does this matter justice, so take it as seriously as it sounds. Avoid any teacher followed by allegations of sexual exploitation (the "black belt promotion couch"), physical abuse, or financial misconduct. Teachers against whom serious lawsuits have been filed should be viewed with even greater concern.

Conclusion

Virtual Senseis can be a minor nuisance, or they can cause serious problems. Their self-important bluster may make you laugh, but their delusions do their students no favors and reduce the enjoyment of legitimate discussion forum participants. By keeping the warning signs in mind, you may be able to spot a VS before he or she uses you (and those whose virtual company you enjoy) to gratify his or her need for attention.