The Martialist: The Magazine For Those Who Fight Unfairly

Understanding Bullshidoka

A Profiling Guide by Phil Elmore

If you're not familiar with Bullshido.com, you needn't be; it's one of the more notorious troll sites on the Web. More specifically, it's a discussion forum peopled by a collection of ignorant, angry teenagers – a sort of Lord of the Flies for the virtual age, complete with a few token adults attempting to run the asylum from within. The site's members, believing themselves to be smart enough and experienced enough to "out" various frauds, fakes, and freaks in the self-defense community, have applied a unique mechanism for so doing: they simply make fun of everyone and everything. The exception is sportfighters; the site is essentially a fan club for mixed martial arts (MMA), the current fad in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ), and the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC).

There's a commercial for an employment agency making the rounds on television as I write this. In the spot, a hapless office-dwelling fellow explains on the phone that he works with a bunch of monkeys. The camera pans back and we see that he is indeed surrounded by chimpanzees, hooting and slapping and scratching and generally making a lot of noise while accomplishing little. The imagery immediately brings to mind the denizens of Bullshido.com. Never have so few said so much so loudly while knowing so little. Over the time the site has existed (it started life as "McDojo.com," but was forced by legal threats from McDonalds to change its name) it's managed to ridicule just about everyone in the Reality Based Self Defense (RBSD) and martial arts scene in general, sparing no one save the select number of MMA types whose approach is greeted with acceptance by the chicken-wire-and-shoulder-pad clad denizens of this Thunderdome of the Internet.

It wouldn't surprise me if the site was run from a server room
inhabited entirely by hyperactive chimpanzees in diapers.

No profiling guide is all-inclusive and there are always exceptions. On the whole, however, those who spend their time at a vulgar troll-site characterized by its anger, hostility, and ignorance conform to a certain type. If you think about it, this stands to reason perfectly, for it explains why such people choose to waste their time in this way. The Average Bullshidoka, therefore, can be described as follows:

He's usually a he. Martial arts in generally are predominantly male. The Bullshidoka are no exception. Of course, on the Internet, even the people claiming to be female might actually be male, so you never know about the token females among the ranks of any martial arts discussion board.

He's relatively young. Spend any time reading through the posts at the site and you'll quickly realize that most of them are teenagers. There are some that are older, but there are very few veteran martial artists at the site. (This is because a mature, experienced individual quickly learns that such a site is not the place for him and he does not enjoy visiting it.) Those few posters who are older generally sound like the rest of the younger participants, which is simply evidence that maturity is a function of your personality and not your age.

He's relatively inexperienced and holds low, if any, rank. At a site where the participants spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the ranks and credentials (or lacks thereof) of the martial arts personalities, instructors, and students whom they ridicule, it is perhaps not surprising that few of the participants themselves hold ranks of any significance. This is usually because the people in question are also quite young, but just as often it is because they disdain traditional ranking structures (even as they claim those without traditional rank must not know what they're talking about).

He's convinced of his own brilliance but relatively ignorant. One of the most startling qualities of the discussions at Bullshido is the fact that very little actual knowledge of the martial arts, self-defense, or the mechanics of fighting is exhibited, despite the fact that those posting there seem to think they know everything (and that anyone who disagrees is a moron). One poster who wrote a review of my book displayed a shocking ignorance of basic fighting mechanics, but this is only one example in a long string of the same that is constantly on parade at the site. Never have so many people spoken so loudly while knowing so little. Anyone with a decent grounding in the martial arts will immediately see just how little these people actually know, which is as much a function of their young ages and relative inexperience as it is their poor attitudes. "The empty bucket rings the loudest," as one of my instructors likes to say.

He doesn't meet the standard set by his own idols, making him a hypocrite. Because the typical Bullshidoka seems to venerate rank and authority (at least in making his personal attacks on others' abilities) while having low or no rank himself, and because he venerates mixed martial arts athletes while being a relatively unimpressive athlete himself, he is a hypocrite who does not meet the standards to which he holds those he ridicules. This is not surprising, but it is irritating if you are among those attacked. (Almost every martial arts personality I know has done his or her turn "in the barrel," being made fun of by the Bullshidoka. In each and every case, the person ridiculed was a better martial artist and a more worthy self-defense exponent than those making the criticisms, despite whatever flaws the person being attacked might have exhibited.)

He's on a crusade. The Bullshidoka are self-appointed crusaders, who see themselves as the judges, juries, and would-be executioners of all in the martial arts whom they deem unworthy. If a Bullshidoka disagrees with your opinions, or thinks you look funny, or simply doesn't like you for any reason, you are a "fraud," a "fake," who is worthy of scorn, personal derision, and any harassment or personal attack the members of Bullshido can think to inflict. Crusaders are notoriously vicious people, for they feel their "mandate" to right perceived wrongs justifies any degree of miserable behavior towards others.

He's arguably a coward who needs the support of the mob. The average Bullshidoka is very impressed with how many members the site has and how much traffic it gets. Just as the site administrator loves to point out these figures, the average member also parrots this information. "We have over umpty-ump thousand members," he'll say proudly, which you are supposed to take to mean, "There are so many of us that our collective opinion obviously cannot be wrong." Setting aside for the moment the fact that majority opinion does not constitute truth (nor does volume determine right from wrong), an individual who cannot express his opinions without seeking validation and support from a jeering crowd of fellow travelers is a coward who is very brave from behind the shaking fists of the mob. That is why Bullshidoka derive so much intellectually masturbatory satisfaction from communing together to talk about how much everyone else sucks, in that or even more vulgar terms. Think of the site as a support group for those who have low self-esteem and low self-confidence, who need the constant validation offered by their equally deficient peers.

He's a viciously hostile fellow given to vague, if not explicit, threats of violence. One of my favorite quotes from a Bullshidoka went something like (and I am not making this up), "If I can borrow my Mom's car this weekend, I might drive down there and kick his ass." (The person whose ass was to be kicked was none other than me, your host.) Bullshidoka love to threaten violence and speak of kicking other people's asses -- when they're not wishing injury or death on others, whose only crimes are having different opinions. One poster stated quite plainly that he hoped a specific women's self-defense instructor would be violently raped, because her teachings were not within the party line acceptable to the Bullshidoka. It is soul-rotting viciousness like this that reminds the casual spectator just how dangerous angry children can be.

The typical Bullshidoka is, therefore, a relatively young, exceptionally arrogant, remarkably angry, and unsurprisingly vulgar coward who enjoys the protection afforded him by distance and anonymity over the Internet. From within the aegis of the World Wide Web, he attacks others whom he would not dare face in person, engaging in behavior that often violates all standards of decency, propriety, and civility. Why he is the way he is we cannot say, for certain; why he does what he does, we can easily deduce. He acts as he does because it makes him feel good. It insulates him from the insecurity he feels. In deriding others, he raises up himself. In attacking others, he substitutes false bravery for inner cowardice. In threatening others, he does what he would never dare to do, and pretends to be what he will never actually become.

These are my opinions and my opinions alone. I could be wrong and, after all, I'm generalizing about a group of people, rather than characterizing any specific person. Still, any objective reader should be able to visit the site in question and form his own opinions.

If he can honestly side with the Bullshidoka, he belongs among their number.