So, there I was, minding my own business (well, not really) in promoting my recent article on Bob Carson, self-professed most awesomest and thoroughly intergalactically recognized super-terrific MMA interview radio guy, when Bob took time out from remixing a new audio intro for his podcast and stitching together years-old ill-matched George W. Bush clips to notice, once again but this time on Twitter, that I’m not a fan.

Now, if you don’t “tweet,” I’ll explain.  Twitter is a “microblogging” site where posts are limited to 140 characters or less.  An “@” symbol denotes somebody’s account.  When somebody types @Phil_Elmore, for example, they are writing a message that they specifically want me to see.  So when you see my name appear, that’s Bob writing to me, and when you see his name, “@Bobcarsonmma,” that’s me writing to him.  For clarity I’ve also put all of MY tweets in bold.  Bob’s are in blue.

It all started innocently enough.  I wrote,

@Bobcarsonmma, self-described “universally” lauded MMA radio interviewer, began a recent podcast w/ unfunny anti-Bush bit. How topical! #p2

Last weekend @Bobcarsonmma sent me hate mail, deeply offended that I don’t acknowledge his high opinion of him. http://tinyurl.com/bobcarson

And, seriously, the guy took the time to talk to a bunch of badly matched clips of George W. Bush while telling his audience that he now has a voicemail line where they can leave comments.  Not only did the bit take forever (no, scratch that, it went on so interminably that it took five-ever), but it just wasn’t funny. It was basically an excuse for the commie-lib-progressive Carson to tell the imaginary voice of George W. Bush how Carson stands for everything Bush doesn’t.

Well, that and a time machine will get you heard by people who care, Bob.  I don’t want to alarm you, but Dubya hasn’t been president for a while now.  And don’t go comparing your venomous hatred for Bush to conservatives’ disdain for Bill Clinton.  Clinton still interjects himself into the political debate in this country whenever it suits him.  George W. Bush, as far as I can tell, has been hiding under his bed in Crawford since he skipped merrily from the White House, relieved to be free at last from the dreadful burden of having to “run stuff.”

But I digress, a little.  Bob came back with this little gem:

@Phil_Elmore Stop trolling me and Mr. Dux, sir.

Given that I was responding to HIS nasty message, I thought this was kind of rich.  So I wrote,

@Bobcarsonmma: That’s funny, Bob; I could swear YOU sent ME unsolicited email. “Trolling” isn’t “any opinion with which you disagree.”

Bob also wrote,

@Phil_Elmore I sent you a respectful email in response to your attack agaisnt me on your website. From there, you step up your attack.

To which I responded,

@Bobcarsonmma: You sent me whiny, unsolicited email mischaracterizing my own work and demanding I recognize how great you are. Consequences.

Bob also had the audacity to say,

@Phil_Elmore Bashing ppl is not the same as disagreeing. I’m all for having a discussion, but will ignore ppl that just want to insult.

To this I responded,

@Bobcarsonmma: You don’t bash people, eh Bob? Then why is your Twitter account a litany of rabid insults against “teabaggers” and the Right?

And, seriously, you’ve got to look at this guy’s Twitter account to get the full effect of his opinions.  The fellow who doesn’t believe in “bashing,” the guy who just wants to have a “discussion,” is so ardently left wing that his posts become a high-pitched drone.  When I try to subvocalize his words I hear bees trapped in an aluminum bucket.  Here are some gems, all of them written by Carson at different times, all of them posted on his account:

How many people are going to have to die in order for Dick Cheney to receive a heart transplant? Cheney’s response: So what!

@michellemalkin Dissent doesn’t equal racism. The Tea Party= racism.

Patricia Harris Lacewell Sucks. Who can understand what she says.

Bristol Palin is going to preach abstinence while some other kid holds her baby.

Why is the White House allowing Fox News access when they are blatantly trying to stir racial fear?

Fox News is blatantly trying to start a race war. They should be taken off the air.

@EricBoehlert Good Job on GMA. I don’t know how you managed to sit next to that scumbag.

(Edited on 21 July 2010 t9 add the final tweet; ‘that scumbag’ is Andrew Breitbart.) If you’ve had enough, let me sum it all up for you.  Mind you, I’m paraphrasing:

“Teabag, teabag, teabagger, teabag, Bush, teabag, Fox News, teabag, the Right, teabag, teabag.”

I went on to clarify for poor Bob:

@Bobcarsonmma: Believing you’re a terrible interviewer isn’t an “attack,” incidentally. You leftists are always outraged by dissent. Cope!

Meanwhile, some other fellow chimed in that it was “weak” that I insulted Carson for not knowing what ninjitsu is (while interviewing Frank Dux, who claims to be a ninjitsu exponent).  I at first thought the guy, “@Sherslob,” was complaining about my YouTube video, “The Absurdity of Modern-Day Ninjitsu.”  Then I realized he was referring to Carson, so I corrected myself with…

@Sherslob: Oh, sorry. Just realized you re’d the Bob Carson thing. My point was that Bob isn’t informed. But his new BFF Frank Dux can help!

I mention Dux as Bob’s new best friend because — and I’m not making this up — of all the people in the world Bob could have answering his listener’s calls and e-mails for advice and assistance on the martial arts, the person he’s picked is, drumroll please, Frank Dux.

That’s a little like Michael Savage choosing to add a romantic advice segment to his talkshow featuring Clay Aiken dispensing wisdom to the lovelorn.  It’s that random and ill-conceived, driven purely by the fact that Carson got tremendous listener response to multiple (recent) Dux interviews.

Bob’s hand-wringing wasn’t over.  He wrote,

@Phil_Elmore You went beyond saying I’m a terrible interviewer into childish personal attacks. I responded politely, via private email.

Now, at this point, let me redirect you to Bob’s original, snide, arrogant e-mail, in which he takes me to task for “offending” him in not recognizing his “universally” acknowledged talent.  But we’re not done: Bob wants to have it both ways.  He wants to throw around the vulgar sexual epithet “teabagger” all day long and then claim that, why, he’s not making fun of people.  He’s making fun of a political movement.  We all know that there aren’t any actual human beings involved.  Perhaps in Bob’s eyes, those pesky “teabaggers,” those “violent” and racist right-wingers, aren’t human at all:

@Phil_Elmore There’s a difference between talking about a “political movement” on twitter and attacking a private citizen on a website.

Now, Bob, we both know you’re not merely a “private citizen.”  You just got done telling me how well-known a public figure you’re supposed to be.  Why, you’re not just, in your own words, the greatest MMA interviewer of all time; you’re also the host of your own progressive radio show in New Jersey.  That means when you go shooting your mouth off, people are going to take you to task for it, and you don’t get to hide behind your injured feelings.

Also, Bob, it’s pretty clear you’re a gigantic, throbbing hypocrite.  You can tweet that “Patricia Harris-Lacewell sucks,” call Breitbart a “scumbag,” and proclaim that a news network that isn’t left-leaning enough for you “should be taken off the air,” but if I dare to say you’re a lousy interviewer and a pinko commie-lib I’m making attacks on your poor, innocent, easily bruised little private citizen ego?

Oh, and Bob, that “political movement” you’re putting in air quotes comprises American citizens — what we’d loosely call “people,” almost all of them (really) private citizens.  Last I checked, Twitter was a website.  You can’t attack those private citizens all day long on a website, then send me a snotty email for exercising my right to free speech on my own dime, only to whine and cry about it when you get some grief back.

Let me sum up:

• I think you’re a terrible interviewer.
• I think your voice is annoying.
• I think your politics suck.

Every single one of those statements of opinion is a valid position on issues you raise with your public statements and public actions.  If you’ve got a problem with that, too bad.  Next time maybe you’ll stop to consider whom you’re picking on before you type another haughty hate-mail demanding to know why somebody’s not respecting your authority.

Bob, after seeing this article, did what every progressive does when confronted with dissent: He silenced the opposition, at least from his perspective, by blocking me on Twitter so he wouldn’t have to see my posts. He declared,

@Sherslob Yep! I blocked him. He’s a confirmed troll. He’s been smearing Frank and I on twitter and on his site. We’re prepared for war!

So… “prepared for war,” in this case, means sticking your fingers in your ears while humming loudly and chanting, “I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you…?”

But what would I know?  I’m just a “confirmed troll” — and one of those tea party conservatives Bob Carson hates so much.